Work & Beauty

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I'm self conscious.
I want to look good all the time.
Im not always pretty.
I want to be liked.
I want to fit in.
I never want to be alone.

These are all things that cross my mind. I'm self conscious because i feel like i am being constantly judged by other girls.
I want to look good all the time because whenever i wear lounge clothes with my hair up and no make up, one of my friends always shows up looking 100x better than me.
I tell myself I'm not always pretty, because people at college would tell me i have "Asian eyes" when i don't wear mascara, or that i look tired. "Are you ok?" YES I AM OK!
I want to be liked....who doesn't??
I want to fit in because again...who doesn't! I am about to go to my first University, and am scared i won't fit in because i am way shy at first.. so that doesn't help...
That goes along with i never want to be alone... its just a sucky feeling.. some nights i want to turn to someone and just talk.. but then again i feel like i shouldn't cause i don't want to be annoying...???

So how does this relate to work? 

here ya go.

I work 2 jobs, and completed 72 total hours last week (call me crazy, but i love my jobs!), and as i get ready in the mornings, most of my friends and family know i take FOREVER to make sure my hair is straight, or the curls are perfect, and that my make-up is on point! Don't forget the outfit! I think of that the night before;) Well with work, i have a uniform and all i have to think about is "what type of bun or ponytail do i want to do today?" 
I only put on a little bit of eyeliner and mascara...WHAT? MEGAN ISN'T WEARING FOUNDATION OR CONTOURING HER FACE? I know... its kinda weirding me out too...!
I was at Blue Lemon last week and i was only wearing mascara, nothing else, as i was taking orders for a solid 2 hours of rush during lunch, things slowed down and i was sweating from all the work and getting desserts and pleasing everyone! 
Bless their hearts... these 3 ladies come in and as they are finishing paying, this lady says "Wow... you are a very beautiful young woman!" I was in complete shock!  Was she talking to me? NO.....
YES she was talking to me! My face lit up and never felt so happy about my appearance, especially for only wearing mascara and wearing a naked face! Her friends were like "We were just whispering about how lovely your hair is, and your complexion!" i was just in awe... i went to the bathroom and looked at myself...not feeling that confident! And i told myself... dang... i do look good without all that makeup! I haven't touched my face make up since the beginning of summer! 

This guy walks in, businessman, looked really busy, ordered an order to go. He reads my name tag and says "DANG MEG! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAIR!" I was like...what? I was like Oh ya know.. my parents blessed me with auburn hair! He said "Never ever change your hair color.. that is beautiful!!"

Some girls come in... super pretty girls... i felt bad compared to them... they complimented how pretty my eyes were!

How could i be getting all these compliments when i don't feel this good about myself!! Its because i have been learning.. that natural beauty is the best beauty! Weird that MEGAN BROWN is saying this! You will always see me with mascara though, because after guys came over last semester, i hated myself hearing "wheres your asian redhead roommate?" "Are you ok?" "Dang you have small eyes". These aren't compliments people!

Let me be real... i have the lowest self esteem when it comes to meeting attractive guys, because in reality, they mostly look at looks first, then personality. ugh.

Work has reassured me that i am confident, pretty, and worthy of someone that appreciates me with or without make up and doing my hair! I haven't touched my flat iron since graduation...granted i don't even know where it is at the moment! 

Im also loving all my freckles that are popping! I don't have a picture yet... but ill capture one for ya with the ample amount that swarms my face!! I have an "M" on my nose that is formed from freckles! You can kinda see it if you look towards the top of my nose by my eye! Its my symbol! 

Comments

  1. MelissaJune 14, 2016 at 6:53 PM

    Love this Megan! When i was in jr high kids made fun of me for having dark circles under my eyes. I've clung to my eye concealer ever since! I guess people don't realize how hurtful words are.

    I know I'm biased, but I have always thought you were beautiful and a pleasure to be around - even when i had to change your diaper ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Megan BrownJune 15, 2016 at 8:57 PM

      Thank you!
      yeah some people just don't have a filter! Im glad you stuck with me after all those diaper changes :)
      ALSO your kids are adorable!!

      Delete

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